At least once in our lifetime, we are confronted with the most basic question:
What is life?
Now, before you switch blogs, give me one more chance to speak my mind. Simply put, life, for me, is what you really want to do. It is not based on any outward force that pushes you to conform or to adapt. Instead, it is the internal bubble that wakes you to live another day, to struggle amidst hardships and to strive to achieve. It is not what makes you suffocate but that which makes you burst in joy. It is not based on religion but it has become your way of life, your personal devotion.
Finding it
Upon reading the article,
How To Tell If You're Following Your Calling Or Just Feeding Your Ego by Jeff Haden, I realized that now is the time to face this question about
my life.
As a kid, I've always been an achiever, even if only in the personal sense. I was trained to always do my best and reap the rewards, or whatever is there, after. I was always told, "No", "Not enough", or "You can do better." You might think this post is anti-tiger mom or something of the sort. In fact, it is one of the things I'm thankful for because I learned a lot - hardwork, consistency and attitude. I even believe that my somewhat altruistic nature stemmed from this. I learned to reach high for the sky but remain rooted to the ground. In practical terms, I learned to be responsible and to value my family first. I learned to be realistic and to wait. Yes, to wait for the perfect timing of things.
Right now, I am employed in one of the most reputable banks in the country. I undergo training to be a Relationship Manager of the bank. But is this what I really want to do? Working in the corporate setting has its perks and I love my workmates as well, but I fear that it is robbing me of precious time - to be free and to just let it go.
Hence, when I finally reflected about the little things that make me happy - those that you'll skip meals for, I realized that I would want to venture into something creative and expressive. During my free hours, I am always found to be doing crafty activities like pouch making, accessory making or sewing. I feel that it has always been in me to create things, from origami in elementary to doll dresses and upcycled clothing today. Always aiming high, I dream of making it into the fashion industry, particularly in design and merchandising.
Fears and Tears
Fashion is not an industry for the faint-hearted. Like any other "sales" industry, you should have the courage of the lion to face competitors (most frequently yourself) and the agility of the eagle to face the ever-changing tides.
It is truly a fears-and-tears business. But more so, if you consider external conditions. In my case, the calling to provide for my family is more urgent. I am also plagued with my lack of skills and credentials which can only be solved by pursuing formal training.
But even after resolving this, fear of failure often gets through me. I always fear failure. It is my weakness. Only thinking about it, makes me teary-eyed. The fear of never being good enough even if you have given your best is always devastating, whether it be in your career, spiritual or personal life.
Being Realistic
Given that Fashion is what I would want to do, and that the circumstances seem to be less favorable, what would you do?
Family comes first. I choose to postpone my efforts (at least those that would require financial outlay). For obvious reasons of helping out. But I assure you, I would never stop here. There will be more of me in the future, hopefully in the fashion scene.
There is time for everything. I am a strong believer that when you want something, the universe conspires to make it happen. Patience. It will eventually come to me. I belive it.
On the bright side. There are many things that could be gotten from this deferment. First, being able to have the capital by the time I'm ready. Fashion requires high investment, in skills and in materials as well. Second, in my current job, I will be able to learn the valuable skill of sales and networking which is undeniably important in the Fashion world.
Disclaimer
I don't intend to influence anyone especially if you're having the same dilemna. Besides, if we go back to the first question, 'What is life?', it is meaningless if you don't approach it in a personal way. After all, it is only yourself who can define you.
Thank you for taking time to read this post. If you have anything you would want to say, feel free to comment below!
Love,
Carmi
